“There is no ‘best choice.’ It is what we do after we choose that makes all the difference in how something works out, even when initially things may not turn out so well."
I lost count of how many times I wept myself to sleep. I have whys I did that. Heartbreak, disappointment, desiderium, Saudade, anxiety, stress, resentment, regret, and confusion.
The other day, it was the latter. I was busy bawling about how I wasn't able to fulfill what I wanted in an instant. The hesitation then came to light. I was and still am unsure whether I could grapple with what I itch for. The inability to take a pause nor stop screwed me more.
Everything once seemed fine and promising. But, all I came across was dubiety. When I thought I already have my life together, I haven't. I kept weeping and lamenting.
The dolefulness didn't stop overnight. In addition to the chaos, the agony didn't only come from within. They *I need to accent this* DON'T discredit my effort in any slightest way. They only fear the circumstances and predicament I might be facing. Unsure of how excellent I'll pull them off.
Did I ever lose my rag? Like hell I did. Did I ever for once believe in what I'm opting for? A zillion times. But, when the doubt kicked in, I tried to keep my options open. Alterations are fair enough, I suppose.
I'm trying to make peace with these flaming afflictions. Very much aware of unresolved perplexities, I'm giving my best attempt to carry on. All in all, nothing is ever really certain, best bet.
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